Dreaming Violently Again.

Recently I had to visit a urinalysis lab for a drug test for work. Last night it manifested itself in a dream where I visited the same lab on a daily basis, but because I owned a bulldog. 

The bulldog had to live in the lab for some reason. I couldn't remove it from the lab, no matter how horribly I wanted to do so. And every time I had to leave, poor little bulldog would freak out and whine and cry and try to follow me because he was very clingy.

When I woke up, I was sad, because I no longer owned such a wonderful bulldog.

I miss him already.

-Miranda

Found this!

Last Night's Conversational Treasures.

Sunday, December 9, 2012.

-Marit: It's eight thirty-nine and I've done everything on the internet.
-Miranda: Everything?....I don't think you've done everything....
-Marit: Yes I have. I finished Pinterest.

-Miranda: I have to brush my teeth.
-Marit: I have to brush my teeth FIRST.
(Long pause, then a quick scramble to the bathroom, which Marit wins.)

(Ten minutes later, Miranda stands up and walks toward the bathroom.)
-Marit: DON'T BRUSH YOUR TEETH IN THERE! 
-Miranda: Did you preset your toothbrush???
-Marit: Yes! Because I'm going first!
-Miranda: I thought you were gonna dye your hair tonight.
-Marit: I didn't.
(Long pause.)
-Miranda: Why not?
-Marit: Because I was busy finishing Pinterest!
 

(Note: Toothbrush preset with toothpaste, unopened box of hair dye.) 

Later....


-Miranda: I will be SO angry if I can't find that pig butt.
-Marit: I understand entirely.
-Miranda: Seriously. Marit, we HAVE A PROBLEM. ...Maybe I hid the pig butt from myself on my computer? 

I dream violently.

Last night I had a rather vivid dream. I was given a raise and a promotion at work (in waking life, I work at the Denver Downtown Aquarium). My promotion was to work a brand new exhibit in the aquarium: giant crocodiles. 

In order to see the giant crocodiles, you had to walk through a glass door into a large open area and then walk across a rickety wooden bridge that was high above their pond. The only problem? The crocodiles liked to jump onto the bridge and try to bite the patrons. 

My job was to assure the patrons of two things. The first was of the fact that the crocodiles were actually heavy smokers, and the second was of the fact that they were only jumping up at them because they wanted their cigarettes.

"Don't worry folks! They're only trying to bite you because they want your cigarettes! Don't be scared! Just go ahead and toss them your cigarettes!....There you go! No worries!"

One of the crocodiles was so old and cancerous that it had a hole drilled in its throat. When one of the patrons tossed it her last cigarette, it swam out into the pond, lit the cigarette, rolled over on its back and smoked through the hole in its throat.


Is it wrong of me to wish that this would actually turn out to be my job someday?...

Love always,
Miranda

Conversational Treasures

For our purposes, "Me" is whoever typed up the interchange... 

-Me: Are we leaving the house again tonight?
-Marit: I don't plan to. Do you?
-Me: No.
-Marit: Should we eat our weight in Hot Pockets and watch a movie?
-Me: Yes.
-Marit: Would you like the Mentalist or New Moon?
-Me: These are horrible options.


-Marit: Perhaps I just like adding "ington" to names? For instance, I wouldn't call you 'Miraxter' ...wait...
-Me: It's perfect!


"I think my words are getting caught on my molars lately. Some of them trip and fall out and others just get stuck and get left out of sentences." -Marit


"Life should come with a butt warmer" -Touy


"Please get hammer pants and a stage management romper. I will never forgive you if you don't." -Marit



-Marit: Know what?
-Me: What?
-Marit.....I forgot.
-Me: You forgot?
-Marit: I think I got distracted by the fact that the word "reckon" is in my vocabulary.


"I didn't think people who read Dostoevsky said 'LOL'." -Marit


-Me: So, there's tiramisu in there...
-Marit: Oh my gosh! I love Wesley!


-Marit: Can I have Ed & Bertha?
-Me: Of course.
-Marit: I have to wear them like this.
-Me: That's new.
-Marit: OH MY GOSH THEY'RE DUCKS!
-Me: How have I not seen this before??

-Marit: Oh! We should put Elmer's Glue on our faces!

-Me: Why?
-Marit: Remember when we were talking about that with Alyssa and you said we should have a spa night?
-Me:..Oh yeah.
-Marit: Okay I'm doing it.
-Me: I'm gonna re-heat the pasta.
-Marit: Maybe doing this before eating was a mistake.
-Me: Maybe... well I will test the pasta to see if it's good and you tell me if the Elmer's Glue works and then we can switch places.
-Marit: ...I feel like one of us is getting a much better deal here.....

-Marit: The Hippohatic Oath. That's where we both vow to make Hippo Hats.

-Me: Did you just make that up?
-Marit: Don't laugh! It's like the Hippocratic Oath but better?
-Me: I am aware. But did you just make that up?
-Marit: ...Maybe. Please take the Hippohatic Oath.
-Me: How?
-Marit: That's where we do this.... and go 'HUUUUUUUUU'

Miranda: I am full of nonsense... and milk. And mostly cookies. 

-Me: I need to bake.
-Marit: We have baking things.
-Me: I need saltine crackers.
-Marit: We don’t have those.
-Me: Does 7-11 carry saltine crackers?
-Marit: I don’t know. Wanna go find out and then get Slurpees?
-Me: I think that would be wise.

-Me: I'm folding my underwear. I never fold my underwear.
-Marit: Why on earth would you do that?
-Me: It's just gonna get all rumpled on my bottom anyway.
-Marit: Yeah! Bottom rumples!
-Me: Brumples.
-Marit: Or just rumples. Like rumples on your rump.
-Me: It gives 'Rumpelstiltskin' a whole new meaning.

Miranda: Well, we should exercise sometimes if we're going to eat ice cream...
Me: A brisk walk to the frozen yogurt stand?
Miranda: Because working out is a VERY important part of my life.
Me: And we're off to Pinkberry!

-Me: ...Weselbee.
-Marit: What?!?
-Me: You're not Weselbee!
-Marit: No. I'm not. What does he want?
-Me: Nothing. I'm just creeping on him.
-Marit: Oh good. How is he doing?
-Me: Well, he posted a picture of a lot of hedgehogs...
-Marit: OH! OH! OH! KINDRED SPIRIT!

-Me: Drink your coffee.
-Marit: I'm trying....
-Me: There are sleeping children in Africa!
-Marit: Probably Asia too, at this hour.

Once upon a time when the radiator hissed: 
Me: Is it TEA???
Now, every time the radiator hisses: 
Miranda: It's NOT TEA.

-Marit: Have some tea.
-Me: I did.
-Marit: Have some MORE.
-Me:.....okay.
-Marit: The only thing better than tea is MORE TEA!

-Me: Here's for rent.
-Marit: Oh thank you!....wait.
-Me: It's for those bites I took.
-Marit: You can't math very well.
-Me: Let's just call it the friendship tax.

-Marit: Oh, here's my harmonica.
-Me: Oh, phew.
-Marit: I'd better play us a little tune.
-Me: It's midnight on a school night.
-Marit: I'd better not play us a little tune.
-Me: Yeah.
-Marit: Wait. Who's school night is it?
-Me: Everyone else's.

-Me: Would you like this little tin?
-Marit: Yes! I would like that little tin!...Oh, you know what we should do? We should poke a little hole in the top and hang it on a hook and then put it on your key ring so that you can keep your hoodphones in.
-Me: ...My what?
-Marit: ...Your hoodphones!....Bro!
-Me: Shizzle!

Me: We have coupons for 7-eleven.
Miranda: Is there one for a Flea Swirpee??
Me: a flea swirpee...yep.
Miranda: Sounds like I'm maybe already drunk on Slurpees...if I'm already drunk, they'll give me a flea one, maybe.

-Marit: I'm trying to decide if I should knit a small sweater for the hippopotamus. 
-Me: WHY WOULD YOU EVEN NEED TO DELIBERATE ABOUT THAT?
-Marit: Perhaps that was a foolish question.
-Me: I mean...of course it needs a sweater!
-Marit: Maybe a jumpsuit would be more his speed.
-Me: A ROMPER! KNIT IT A ROMPER!

Miranda: Does this look too grubby?
Me: (long pause because I forgot to pay attention)...No.
Miranda: Are you lying to me? 
Me: (long pause because I found a picture of a rhino & was distracted)...No.
Miranda: YOU ARE LYING. 
Me: N'uh!
Miranda: You are lying on your bed.

More thoughts and arguments will (I presume) join this listing shortly.  

They shall be archived as "Communication". 

Oh hello, world! Ivy Bower, here...

A life full of moments like these requires documentation and a half rhinoceros, it has been determined.  I'm sorry, but that is just simply the truth.

This is our new space for rambles on subjects subjective, objects of interest, delights, a great rumpus, and the moments that just take your breath away...from laughing too hard or stepping on a lego brick.

Let the show go on!